Editor’s Note:  On August 28-31, 2006, Bob Wood (a pastor at Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock, Arkansas) and his wife, Kerrie, were guests on “FamilyLife Today.” 

Click here for Kerrie’s testimony.

Bob Wood:  “God has given me something I never thought I would have—the gift of sobriety.”

Thanks to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  I’d like to share with you how God has guided my life in ways I never dreamed possible.

I grew up in Orange County, California, in a loving home. My mom and I had a kindred spirit; however, my alcoholic dad did not share much emotion or affection. I did all of the normal things that kids do while growing up. In elementary school I was an A and B student and was very involved in sports. I excelled in soccer for almost twelve years. I also wanted to connect with the other kids so badly that I was willing to do almost anything to prove my worth.

I was exposed to pornography for the first time in the attic of our house, and I remember the rush of emotion. Although I knew that looking at it was wrong, I could not stop and kept going back for more. I learned that acting out sexually would give me the escape I so desired and found that it made me feel alive.

Experimenting With Drugs, Alcohol, and Sex

On the outside everything seemed fine, until I got into junior high school. That’s when I began experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I really liked the effect that it had on me, and at the time I thought it was cool. All of my friends were doing it, and I liked the effects so much that I began using drugs on a regular basis.

When I first tried drugs and alcohol something in me clicked, and I felt right at home. This is what I had been looking for to cure the restless feeling I had inside. This ultimately led to harder drugs and heavier drinking. I kept trying to control my using to find contentment, but the truth was my addiction was controlling me. I had a low self-image, and drugs and alcohol became my solution for problems. I did not see myself as a person created in God’s image with value and purpose.

As my addiction progressed, I plunged down a road of destruction. Drugs and alcohol took over the driver’s seat of my life. I lived in a constant state of confusion because of the direction my chemical abuse was leading. My grades dropped throughout high school, and I was nearly expelled twice. When my parents found out that I was using drugs, they had no idea how bad it was.

I ended up in an outpatient program for over six months, where I did and said all the right things to get my parents off my back. In spite of the treatment programs, which I agreed to do to satisfy my family, I continued to be in denial of my addiction. During one period when I was being drug tested, I even discovered drugs that would not show up on a drug test. By this time I would not let anything stand in the way of my using.

Someone at the last treatment center I went to told my mom that if I was not willing to get help, then she should not waste the time or money. She looked at me and asked, “Are you willing?”… and I said “No.” I was really saying the drugs and alcohol were more important to me than my family or myself. I was like a tornado going through the lives of everyone around me.

I graduated from high school by half of a percent, and my mom was just proud that I graduated. She was the main reason I made it through. Shortly after graduation, I moved out on my own so I could use more freely and hide it from my family… or so I thought. This also gave me the freedom to pursue my sexual addiction even further, which resulted in a pregnancy that was later aborted. During this time, I also started selling drugs. This served two purposes:  (1)  To pay for my addiction, and (2) It gave me a false sense of worth and acceptance. I thought I was “the man!”  I was a walking paradox—a mixture of the lowest possible self-image covered up by the world’s biggest ego.

Things got so bad that I lost my place to live and had to move back home on the condition that I would admit my addiction and get sober. This time I was determined to do it myself, and I tried to bombard my problems with my own self-will. Needless to say, I failed miserably and my life didn’t change. (By that time, I had been using Meth for almost three years. I weighed about 125 pounds and my cheeks were sucked in. I wore baggy clothes to try and hide how thin I had become. I thought I was fooling everyone, but the only one I was fooling was myself.)

The Intervention

Because I was living at home, my parents could see that I had become a threat to their safety and to those I worked with in our family business. My family put their foot down by doing an intervention. They wrote a letter that said they loved and cared for me, but could no longer watch me destroy my life. They said that if I didn’t get help I would have to leave their house and our family business.

My whole world started caving in on me. Because I was afraid of being left with nothing, I finally was willing to get help and went to a recovery group. After attending a few meetings, I began to understand how utterly powerless I was over my addiction. I also had to admit that my life had become unmanageable. This meant that my way did not work any more, and I came to understand that it never really had. You see, all I had to change was everything:  my friends, places I went, and things I did.

I met a Christian man in the meetings who brought me to Celebrate Recovery (a ministry to fellowship and celebrate God's healing power through eight recovery principles). From the first time I went to Celebrate Recovery, I knew it was home and have been coming every Friday night since. Celebrate Recovery helped me realize that meetings were not enough—that my recovery depended on a relationship with Jesus Christ. I surrendered my life and will to Him. I fully came to believe that although I was powerless, Christ’s power was more than I would ever need. Although I had taken the beginning steps on my road to recovery, there was much work to be done.

God lifted my denial of addiction, and He required me to take action to mend the destruction of my past. He helped me do this by working through the remainder of the steps. I decided to get the Celebrate Recovery workbooks and walk through the steps, including a fearless and thorough moral inventory. I really did not want to do this particular step; however, I knew I had to in order to progress in my recovery. Besides a sponsor, which is like a mentor, I also connected with an accountability partner and we set a date to start this rigorous house cleaning.

At the heart of my moral inventory I had to deal with my destructive habits, the resentments still driving an obsession, the fear of living life sober, the pain and hurt I had caused my family and others, and the defects in my character that led me to make such bad choices in my life. This began the peeling of layers of denial off of my heart. For the first time I was facing all the harm and hurt I had caused my family and others, and I saw my selfishness and self-centeredness, and how dishonest and inconsiderate I was. This also helped me step out of denial of my lustful thoughts and behaviors by sharing those with my sponsor.

Re-Emergence of Lust

Although the obsession to use drugs and alcohol began to diminish, lust re-emerged and continued to be a part of my life. The longer I was a Christian, the harder it became to talk about these issues because of the shame I felt. I would draw lines in the sand that I would use to justify my behavior. If I did not do this… then I was not a sex addict. Once I crossed that line, I would draw another line to perpetuate the denial. After all, I was not harming anyone, right?

I had my cycle of good intentions, relapse, guilt, and shame well in tact. I am a master of self-deception, and I can rationalize just about anything. There was a part of me that did not want to let go of the lust because of the fix it would give me. I would try to manage my feelings with lustful fantasy and masturbation. For me, to recover in this area meant admitting I was a sex addict and that my life was unmanageable. By continuing to work through the Celebrate Recovery steps, I was finally able to surrender control. I began to see that at the core, I was running from love—I had tremendous fear of true intimacy and had been accepting false intimacy as a substitute for it. My lack of self-worth said, “If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love me or like me.” What I was really craving is authenticity with God and with others. Now, I no longer feel the need to run from the wreckage of my past.

As I continued through the recovery process, I had to face my family and seek their forgiveness for the harm I had caused. I could no longer just say that I was sorry. Trust had been completely severed and my amends had to be backed with action. When I apologized for the person I was, trust began to be restored. My family could see that my life was truly changing,

My journey to recovery has been just that—a journey. God continues to change me from the inside out. Not only has He been faithfully guiding me in recovery, but He has also blessed me with some wonderful relationships. My wife, Karrie, and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary this April, and I can truly say that I love and cherish her more than ever. I would not be the person I am today if it were not for her. She is my best friend, and I cannot imagine my life without her.

That is why my most recent amends were so difficult. I had to apologize for the times I chose false intimacy over sacred intimacy with her, and had to assure her it was not her fault. But again my amends had to be backed with action that began with sexual sobriety and changed attitudes and behaviors on a daily basis. She had to see that I was truly changing. She has been able to extend incredible mercy and grace to me.

Healing Relationships

As for my family, God has also brought healing to those relationships. Most of all, He has seen fit to use me in bringing other members of my family to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. My sister, who saw what happened in my life, began to come to church and gave her life to Christ. She is now an active leader in Celebrate Recovery. My mother, who never gave up on me and faithfully prayed for over 10 years, went to be with Jesus several years ago after battling cancer for nine years. My mom was always there for me every step of the way in sobriety, and God gave me the opportunity to be there for her—until I saw her take her last breath on earth and go home to be with Jesus. Had I not been sober, I would have never been there for my mom and my family.

If this were not enough, God gave me the courage to talk to my dad about Jesus. I went through a card with him that described how to establish a relationship with Christ, and I had the privilege of leading my dad in a prayer to ask Jesus into his life. Praise God!  (He has since gone home to be with Jesus.) All things do work together for good for those that love God and are called according to his purpose. My life has been transformed in ways I never dreamed. God has given my life meaning and purpose. He has taken the most meaningless parts of my life and used them to give my life the most meaning.

As God has led me on the road to recovery, He has given me a sincere desire to serve Him. I have been chief hamburger flipper, assistant cake whacker, coffee maker, and the set-up and teardown man. As I grew in my recovery and relationship with God, He began leading me to serve Him further by becoming a sponsor, accountability partner, and a group leader where I can be of service to those who suffer as I did. One of the greatest joys I have today is a front row seat in watching the power of God change lives of those around me. And God has given me the blessing of encouraging church leaders around the world with my wife about how they can bring change into the lives around them.

Life today is a great adventure!

About eight years ago, God put a dream into my heart, a dream that I feel completely unworthy to fulfill, a dream to become a pastor. As I reflected on the dream, the words of David come to mind in Psalm 40:1-3 (New Living Translation), “I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the Lord.” 

In April 2004 God began to unfold the dream. He has called me to serve Him as Pastor of Celebrate Recovery at Fellowship Bible Church—me, a recovering drug addict and sex addict. God never ceases to amaze me at how He can take the foolish people of this world from the pit of despair to the throne of His grace.

God has done immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine. And He has given me something I never thought I would have—the gift of sobriety. This year I celebrated almost 12 year of recovery. In those 12 years, I have been through many things:

• I have seen life, the day my niece was born.
• I have seen death, as the Lord has brought three of our parents home.
• I have faced the pain of my past.
• I have hope for the future.
• I have walked through the fear of living life sober.
• I have had successes and failures.
• I have learned to forgive, and know what it is like to be forgiven.
• Most of all, I have learned to love and to be loved.

And I am convinced, just like the apostle Paul, that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.